Saving Grace

Saving Grace happens to be the topic for the day.

Saving Grace is the title of a TV series but to me, it means something else. Looking deeper into the title, saving grace may not be the direct action, instead saving myself seems to be the direct initiative leading to the eventual of saving grace.

I have gone through a series of shit recently, God knows what exactly happened. I know I have to somehow learn the hard way, I complicated things and guess what, I end up becoming the complicated guy. Kinda stupid indeed. Afterall, I was told to keep things simple, may be too late but it's never too late, I shall keep things simple from now on.

Notwithstanding the recent revelations, I am still immersed in self blame. I am fully responsible for my actions that is why I am suffering for my consequences. I have no one else to blame because no one forced me to do anything. I had a choice and decided to make that certain choice leading to this path. It's a difficult path but I chose it and have to walk down that road. There is no turning back.

So is Saving Grace important to me? I certainly think so. But in order to save grace, I need to save myself from all the complications. That way, I can offer the most simple me.

Am I ready? I'm not. There's still so much self guilt going thru my head that I simply cannot forgive myself. I lied. I disappoint. I forsake. All these sins are enough to dump me to hell. But living in guilt in not the way to move on. I need to grow. I will grow. I must grow.

I hate nonsense. No more nonsense from now on.



Day 1 without cigarettes.